Four years living with a narcissist were the darkest, loneliest and most terrifying years of my life.
Almost nine years later sharing my story isn’t any easier but necessary. If I can help one person realize their self worth and find the strength within to leave their situation, then the pain I revisit while sharing is worth it.
I never really slept for fear of dying. I lived every day in a heightened sense of fear and panic.
The depression, anxiety and panic attacks became part of my normal.
The prescription medications I took along with drinking an excessive amount of alcohol numbed me on the inside to not feel the pain as much.
In my darkest moment of thinking I was going to die that night after being beat so bad that afternoon, I remember being in a corner with a bottle of pills and a plan to end my life. I would have followed through with that plan if it wasn’t for my daughter.
Then the moment came when I decided dying trying to escape would be better than living a daily life of hell.
Almost nine years later while I display on the outside some self confidence, on the inside I deal with low self confidence on a daily basis.
I often struggle to see myself the way others do because I still hear the degrading remarks I heard daily for four years.
I struggle letting people get too close to me for fear of getting hurt.
It’s a battle I continue to fight and while I’ve come a long way, I have a long way to go.
If you find yourself in a domestic violence situation you can get out. You are strong enough. You are worth it.
If my story resonates with you, you don’t have to walk this alone.
It is scary, but it is so worth it. You are so worth it.
Feel free to message me if you need someone to talk to.